 |
 Release Date: 1987 Tagline: A Battle Fought In The Stars. Now... Comes To Earth. Director: Gary Goddard Writer: David Odell
|
||||||||||||||||
 Plot After the painfully long introduction and Superman-wannabe credits sequence, the movie shows that Skeletor has just taken over Castle Greyskull and imprisoned the Sorceress of Greyskull. He apparently transported his troops into the Castle using the Cosmic Key (powered by Vangelis) that his henchwoman Evil-Lyn stole off of Billy Barty in bad Troll makeup. Luckily for He-Man, he stumbles on to Billy Barty who just happens to have another Cosmic Key lying around. They transport into the Castle to save the Sorceress, but are thwarted by Skeletor’s troops, forced to flee using the Key, and end up here on Earth. This is where too many extra people enter the plot: Courtney Cox (aka Julie) – Her parents were just killed in a car accident so she’s leaving her small town life and taking the 8:30 bus to her flight to New Jersey (probably because she’s still wearing that jean jacket Bruce Springsteen gave her on stage and she’s dying to dance in the dark with him). Kevin – He dreams of becoming a real musician instead of just the keyboard player in a high school band. He’s Julie’s unlucky boyfriend who gets to drive her to the bus that’s going to take her to her flight to New Jersey. He has a mullet. Strickland (aka Lubic) – This policeman is assigned to the scene of a fire at the local high school. Really, he’s Strickland trying to end truancy and this circus act, fringe group, cult of weirdos is ruining everything. The kids mixed up with the group must be stopped. Courtney Cox and Kevin find the Cosmic Key (powered by Vangelis) that Billy Barty lost. Kevin’s a real genius and thinks it’s a Japanese synthesizer. He keeps playing it which keeps signaling Skeletor’s minions to his location (insert more cluttered cast). The minions torch the school dance (insert Strickland), and as Courtney Cox is running away, she comes across a giant greased up guy in leather jockeys carrying a big sword and big guns. “Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you,” He-Man says. And Courtney Cox lets him pick her up. Clearly the 80s were a different time. There’s a lot of fighting and driving and running and traveling that takes place at this point. It’s really not that exciting. It ends with Evil-Lyn calling Skeletor to let him know they have the Key (powered by Vangelis). Skeletor travels to Earth so he can gloat, and so there can be 8 million shots of his giant ship cruising down the street and levitating and taking up too much frickin’ time. Okay, we get it! Skeletor drives a huge frickin’ ship! There’s a big showdown on top of a building in the town. (I think all residents of the city caught the 8:30 bus to the airport. The place is deserted and Skeletor’s troops aren’t even questioned by a well-meaning bumpkin cop.) Skeletor injures Courtney Cox so that He-Man will surrender his sword (which hasn’t been set up as anything more than just a big sword), and Skeletor takes him back to Eternia, leaving all of He-Man’s old and new friends behind. Once there, Skeletor orders He-Man to be whipped so that he kneels before him in front of the entire planet. As He-man is whipped, Skeletor holds tightly to his staff until he quietly pants, “Enough.” And just as quietly, leaning on his staff, asks, “Where is your strength? Where has it gone?” Wow. Meanwhile back on Earth, it turns out Courtney Cox’s injury can only be healed by the Sorceress of Greyskull. Conveniently, “songmaster” Kevin is able to fix the Key (powered by Vangelis) for Billy Barty, sending the gang back to Eternia. But wait, Strickland hasn’t given up on them. Truants! And Strickland gets sucked in to the portal and joins the crazy kids in Eternia for the big, unexciting finale (with shots and colors ripped directly from Empire’s fight between Luke and Vader). The heroes say their farewells. Courtney Cox hugs He-Man’s chest -- I wonder what the breakout was like after all that grease? And Billy Barty sends them back to before her parents died and she’s able to stop them from dying in a plane crash. Awww… All you need is a creepy Billy Barty Troll thingy with a Cosmic Key (powered by Vangelis) and you too can go back in time and save your parents from certain death! |
|||||||||||||||||